


tactile sensations

by GlassesOfJustice



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge, Minor Morgan Stark, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Minor Peter Parker - Freeform, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:03:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassesOfJustice/pseuds/GlassesOfJustice
Summary: Pepper explores her grief and tries to make sense of her body's response to such a monumental loss. May just wants to help take care of Pepper.





	tactile sensations

Pepper was desperate to feel something. Anything.

Her family had left within a couple of days of Tony's funeral. That is, everyone except May and Peter. Pepper was reminded of how lucky she was that the people in she and Tony's life were fiercely loyal. Pepper and May had not interacted much prior to the snap, but they had become quite close in the past 5 years. When May offered to stay and help look after Morgan, she did so knowing what grief felt like; knowing how Pepper had held her and stroked her hair while Tony choked out the words, "Peter isn't coming home" on the worn couch in May's small New York City apartment. 

May whispered in Pepper's ear, "I think Peter needs to stay here a while, if that's okay?" Pepper knew, while that was probably true, May had also let Pepper off the hook. It allowed her to take what she desperately needed, time for some self care, to patch herself back together, for herself and for Morgan; while simultaneously being able to hold the illusion that she was taking care of everyone else, that everything was normal. 

Morgan had been put down for a nap and Peter had taken off for a walk around the lake. Pepper wondered whether he was looking for Tony's heart, or maybe he was so wrapped up in grief he thought the lake might spit Tony out whole. May was sitting in the rocking chair on the porch when Pepper told her she was going to try to take a nap herself. May smiled and assured Pepper she would keep an ear out for Morgan. Pepper had been moving through her days, performing in her own life. Whatever her brain told her she should be emoting, she made it so, mostly for Morgan, and for Peter.

When Pepper closed their bedroom door, she couldn't help but be surrounded by Tony; his smell still hung in the air, she still hadn't been able to put away his shoes in the closet. But, she only felt numb, as if she was watching this scene unfold from outside her own body. She knew she should be reacting—but she couldn't even remember what the stages of grief were. She was completely devoid of feeling. Maybe her subconscious hadn't really accepted Tony's death yet, despite his heart ceasing to beat beneath her fingertips. 

After lying on their bed for what felt like an hour, she rolled over and looked at the clock on her nightstand. 10 minutes had passed. She was suddenly very uneasy about her inability to _feel_. She needed to break open the dam, but how? The digital display on the clock flicked forward silently and her eyes focused on her nightstand. Tony had built them each one. She felt compelled to move closer, to run her hands over the wood, feeling the grain, the softness born of meticulous sanding. She opened her bottom drawer and removed Tony's lab perfected lube, placing it on top of the smooth surface and smiling as the memories of many 'test sessions' filtered through her brain. Natasha, who she only knew as Natalie then, eating her out underneath her desk; that one time with Bruce because Tony insisted he couldn't explain that the lube "just wasn't slippery enough" without showing him—that had turned from awkward to passionate to sweet. No matter how many people she and Tony shared their lives with, they always managed to come back to each other. 

Pepper removed her lounge clothes and pulled back the comforter so she could press her skin to the soft pima cotton. She focused on the tactile sensations: the coolness of the sheets on her ass and on her ankles as she spread her legs; the way the lube oozed out of the pump and coated her long fingers. She slowly explored her own opening, coating herself with lube and gently caressing her labia.

She closed her eyes and allowed her fingers to drum the tension from her body. Her heart hammered loudly in her inner ear, the steady rhythm soothing her frayed nerves. Her opening flared, screaming to be filled up. Thoroughly warmed and relaxed, her index finger rolled around her clit. The familiar sensation ignited a buzz throughout her body. Every flick of her finger sent pulses deep within; she brushed the bangs out of her face with her free hand and settled her palm atop her pert breast, squeezing it roughly. 

As her orgasm was gathering momentum, she thought about Tony walking in on her, swollen and ready; about him growing so hard at the sight of her, he barely undoes his pants. Just pushes them down to his knees so she can straddle him on the edge of their bed, his cock sliding into her with ease. She uses his shoulders for leverage, eventually wrapping her arm around his head, running her fingers through his hair and pulling when he lands on her g spot.

Her fantasy was broken by the overwhelming sensation of wetness. Her body convulsed into an aftershock and she realized she'd come, hard. Her pillow was wet, tears poured freely down her cheeks. The dam had broken, and a part of her wished she could be swept away with the water. 

She stayed there a while, letting her body sizzle and snap, crackle and cry. When she had nothing left, she slowly made her way to the shower, turning the water on as hot as it would go. When she thought her skin might be scalded from the heat she finally turned the faucet off. 

Enveloped in her robe, she returned to her room to find a tall glass of water, Tylenol, and fresh clothes set out for her. She closed her eyes and was thankful she didn't have to face what came next alone.


End file.
